Healthy Detachment at Christmas

I want to start with a small confession.

On Tuesday, when I mentioned detachment, I felt the weight of it.

Detachment isn’t a little side topic; it’s tender, layered, and for many of us… It’s a lifeline.

So, today I want to take my time, slow the pace, and talk about it with the honesty and gentleness it deserves.

Some of you knew instantly what I meant.

Some of you felt a tug in your chest and were curious.

So, what is detachment… really?

Let’s talk about it.

Healthy detachment is never meant to harm.

Healthy detachment is about protecting you - your mind, your heart, your peace, your grounding.

It’s gently stepping to the side of someone’s moods, chaos, negativity, addictions, or emotional immaturity, so you don’t get swallowed up by it.

Maybe you’ve felt that too, that sense of,

“If I don’t step aside right now, I’m going down with this ship.”

Detachment is the internal choice not to live inside someone else’s noise, especially when that noise is something they don’t know how to manage.

Think of detachment as a tool, not a weapon.

Used wisely, it gives you space to breathe again.

It steadies your steps.

It lets you carry on with your day, your week, and eventually your life.

Your difficult person may remain stuck, but you don't have to stay there with them.

And for some of us, that truth hits close to home.

Does detachment change everything instantly?

Oh, how I wish.

Most of us learn detachment slowly.

There will be moments you feel strong and steady, and moments you slip right back into the mud again.

If that happens, please hear me:

Just reset.

No shame.

No self-blame.

This is how we grow.

Detachment doesn't harden my heart - it strengthens my footing.

And that truth reminds me of something I've held close...

John 2:24-25 (NIV) tells us, “Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people.”

He loved people fully, yet He didn’t hand His inner life over to every reaction around Him.

He saw people clearly.

He stayed grounded.

He didn’t get pulled into their pressure, their expectations, or their instability.

That is detachment in its purest form:

Loving without losing yourself.

Staying present without drowning.

Seeing clearly without being swept away.

Why talk about this at Christmas?

Because if we’re honest, Christmas amplifies everything.

The expectations.

The family dynamics.

The loneliness.

The grief.

The financial pressure.

The substance use.

The emotional immaturity.

The shutdowns.

The silence.

Sometimes the silence feels heavier than words, doesn’t it?

And here’s the thing we rarely say out loud:

Christmas isn’t only hard for you.

It’s also hard for anyone who struggles with mental health, addiction, emotional immaturity, or poor coping skills.

The pressure of the season exposes whatever they usually try to hide.

Their stress gets louder.

Their moods shift harder.

Their withdrawal feels sharper.

And because you live near them, you feel every ripple.

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, heavy, sad, or pulled under…

You’re not imagining it.

You’re not dramatic.

You’re not failing.

This is a tender season for many women, maybe for you too.

Before we close today…

This is just the beginning.

A gentle clearing of the fog before we walk deeper next Tuesday.

But for now, tuck this into your heart:

You are allowed to take care of yourself.

Even at Christmas.

Especially at Christmas.

SAFETY NOTE

If at any point you feel emotionally or physically unsafe, please reach out to a trusted friend, local support services, or your community resources. You are never meant to walk this part of the journey alone.

Still Her, The Journey Home