Glossary

On this page, you’ll find plain language definitions of terms women often experience in painful marriages. I hope that by giving language to your experience, you’ll feel less alone and more understood.

Abusive Marriage

Abuse in marriage doesn’t always show up as scars. It can be emotional, verbal, spiritual, financial, or sexual. Abuse is a pattern of harm where you are diminished, dismissed, or controlled over time, leaving you smaller instead of stronger.

Boundaries

The limits you set to protect your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. A boundary explains what you except, what you won't, and what action you will take if a line is crossed.

Codependency

Losing yourself in trying to keep the peace or manage someone else’s emotions. You over-give, over-explain, and feel responsible to hold the relationship together.

Controlling Spouse

When someone limits your choices, isolates you, or makes decisions without your input. It leaves you feeling small, powerless or on edge.

Cycle of Control

A repeating pattern many women recognize: tension grows, an incident happens, it's minimized, and a "nice" phase follows, until tension rises again. The cycle keeps you hoping, but it never truly stops.

Destructive Marriage

A relationship where harmful patterns like control, contempt, or neglect continue over time, with no real change. It leaves you emotionally unsafe.

Detachment

Redirecting your energy away from trying to change him and toward caring for your own well-being. It’s not coldness - it's protection.

Difficult Marriage

A relationship with conflict, miscommunication, or stress where both partners still try in good faith. When harm and control take over, it becomes more than "difficult."

Disconnection

The emotional wall that forms when your spouse shuts down or withdraws. You may live in the same home but feel distant, unheard, or unseen.

Emotional Abuse

Harm that leaves no visible marks. It shows up as blame, criticism, silence or mockery - slowly tearing down your confidence.

False Hope

The belief that if you work harder, pray harder, or try harder, the marriage will change on its own. In abusive patterns, change does not come from your effort; it comes from choosing to take care of yourself.

Financial Abuse

Using money to control, punish, or limit you. This includes withholding access, monitoring every dollar, or restricting your independence.

FOG (Fear • Obligation • Guilt)

The internal pressure that keeps you stuck with fear of consequences, obligation to keep the peace, and guilt for wanting something different.

Gaslighting

Being made to question your memory, experiences or feelings. You hear “That never happened” or “You’re imagining that," until you doubt yourself.

Isolation

Being cut off from friends, family, or community, or pulling away because of shame or pressure. Isolation deepens confusion and loneliness and makes you feel trapped.

Invisible (Feeling Invisible in Marriage)

When your presence is overlooked, your needs are dismissed, and your words ignored. You feel unseen and unvalued.

Lonely in Marriage

The deep ache of lying beside someone yet feeling utterly alone. You long for closeness, but your partner feels miles away.

Physical Abuse

Any act of physical harm: hitting, shoving, grabbing, or threatening. One incident is one too many.

Pornography Addiction (Impact on Wives)

Pornography creates emotional distance, secrecy, and broken intimacy. Many wives feel rejected, betrayed, and left carrying silent pain.

Shame

The voice that tells you the problem is you. Shame grows in silence, and convinces you you’re not enough.

Silent Treatment / Stonewalling

When your spouse withdraws conversation, affection, or attention to punish you or avoid responsibility. It leaves you alone, confused and hurting.

Spiritual Abuse (including Christian/Religious Marriage Abuse)

Using Scripture, faith, or church authority to control, shame, or silence you. It may sound like, "God says you must submit no matter what,” or “You're sinning if you speak up."

Toxic Marriage

A relationship filled with patterns of manipulation, control, or contempt. It drains your spirit and leaves you anxious, and unsafe.

Trauma Bond

The confusing attachment that forms when painful moments are mixed with occasional kindness. Those moments of "good" make it hard to leave the harm.

Walking on Eggshells

Constantly monitoring your words and actions to avoid upsetting your spouse. You live in fear of the next outburst.

Please note: These definitions come from my experience walking with women in painful and destructive marriages. They are not medical, legal, or professional advice. If you are in danger, call your local emergency number. For added support, reach out to a trusted counsellor, pastor, or women’s resource in your area.