Taking Hold of Yourself

Last week, we talked about the beauty of letting go. There’s real courage in letting go of what was never ours to manage in the first place. And when we do, a sacred process of growth begins to take root within us – preparing us for what’s next.

Can you relate?

I remember the day I realized loosening my grip on the unhealthy pattern of trying to fix everything gave me the freedom to take hold of myself - freedom to grow into a healthier version of me. That’s where the story really began to change.

Out on a walk one day, trying to accept what felt impossible, something in me finally broke open. Somewhere between the steps and the tears, I knew I couldn’t keep living this way.

Every marriage story is different. No one sees what really happens behind closed doors; the tension, the silence, that deep ache of being unseen. Sitting in that space, have you ever found yourself wondering, Should I leave or should I stay?

Before we go there, let me say this: there is no one-size-fits-all answer. But here’s one thing you can count on - you can start healing either way.

If you’re walking on eggshells or shrinking a little more each day, remember this:

The burden isn’t on you to change your husband. What’s in your control is - you.

You can stay and grow stronger within the same walls, or you can step away from chaos and give your heart the quietness it needs to listen in peace.

Either way, healing begins when you start tending to your own body, mind, and spirit, with the same care you’ve been pouring into everyone else.

Picture those old-fashioned scales, the ones that stand for justice. When both sides carry equal weight, they balance. But when one side does all the giving, that side sinks lower and lower, while the other rises higher, holding all the power and control. That's not balanced. And it's certainly not love that's safe or mutual.

Healing begins the moment you stop abandoning yourself. Part of releasing the grip on what you can’t control is taking hold of your own growth.

When you stop managing his moods and start tending to your soul, you begin to feel something shift.

You start to breathe again.

You start to believe again.

The scales start to move.

Friend, this week, just notice; have you been trying to manage him more than nurture yourself?

You may not be able to change him, but you can change how you show up inside your story.

Pause.

Breathe. Whisper to your heart, That’s not mine to fix. Then ask yourself, what part of me needs care today?

Every time you choose to nurture yourself instead of controlling someone else, something beautiful takes root - the first shoots of real renewal.

If you feel a quiet nudge to take this further, I’ll be leading a five-week boundaries program starting in January. It’s a gentle place to learn what healthy love and self-respect look like. You don’t have to walk this path alone.

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work among you will complete it by the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6 (NASB 2020)

Still Her - The Journey Home