When Christmas Finds You Feeling Alone

What do you feel this Christmas season?

Stress over wrapping that pile of gifts?

A big turkey dinner?

That special outfit for the work party?

If you’re living in a difficult marriage, I bet you feel something quite different.

I bet you feel on edge with uncertainty.

Wondering what his mood will be like this year.

Wondering how you’ll get through the work party without pretending too hard.

Wondering if you’ll be tiptoeing around the house again - the eggshell routine you know far too well.

And let’s be honest:

Are you tired of lifting the weight of life plus Christmas?

One week, he’s reasonable.

The next?

You’re hit with that familiar mix of silence, confusion, coldness…whatever version of him shows up.

And the part that hurts the most?

You’ve spent years protecting a man who has never protected you.

He gives his heart and his full emotional self somewhere else - or nowhere at all - while you stand in the quiet wreckage of what was supposed to be your life together.

You share the same roof, but you might as well be living on opposite sides of the world.

You decorate the tree, hang the stockings, and light the candles…

But inside, you’re carrying a loneliness that no one sees.

The awkwardness of acting like everything is fine when your heart knows it isn’t…

The ache of emotional abandonment…

The shame of feeling unchosen by the man who promised to cherish you.

It’s a heavy burden, especially at Christmas.

And I want you to hear this clearly:

You are not crazy for feeling what you feel.

You are not dramatic.

You are not overreacting.

You are naming reality - maybe for the first time.

This is the awakening.

The moment your heart finally whispers,

'This hurts more than I’ve ever said out loud.'

And I’m right here with you.

You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to hold it together. This is a safe place for your heart to land.

WHEN THE SCALES FEEL UNBALANCED

“A just balance and scales belong to the Lord; All the weights of the bag are His concern.” Proverbs 16:11 NASB 1995

When your heart feels the imbalance, when you’re carrying more weight, more work, more emotional load - Christmas magnifies it, doesn’t it?

The lights get brighter, and somehow the shadows get darker.

Every act of pretending feels heavier.

Every silent night feels too silent.

THE MOMENT THAT WAKES YOU UP

Sometimes all it takes is one tiny moment, and suddenly your whole body knows something is off.

Sometimes life hands you one of those moments.

Subtle, quiet, almost invisible - yet something inside recognizes the ache.

The sting of disconnection. The sting of feeling small beside someone else's world.

The sting of not being fully seen.

Tiny. Invisible to anyone else.

But unmistakable to your heart.

It’s the kind of moment that makes you swallow hard and think:

“Here we go again.”

The emotional withdrawal.

The sheepish avoidance.

The sudden hiding.

The air that shifts and tells the truth before words ever do.

And it’s in these moments that the question returns:

“How do you get through this without losing yourself?”

THE CALL TO STEP BACK

“The beginning of strife is like letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.” Proverbs 17:14 NASB 1995

This isn’t a call to be silent or small.

It’s not about rolling over or bearing injustice quietly.

It’s a call to detachment.

Healthy detachment.

The strength to step back without stepping away from yourself.

You do not chase.

You do not tiptoe.

You do not perform emotional acrobatics to keep the peace.

You let him retreat without losing yourself in the process.

You step back, not out of fear, but out of self-respect.

HOLD THIS CLOSE THIS CHRISTMAS

My heart does not rise and fall with his disconnect.

Let that settle in.

Let it be your new grounding place.

Let it be the sentence you whisper when you feel that familiar ache.

SO, WHAT CAN YOU DO THIS CHRISTMAS?

1. Don’t chase his mood.

2. Stay warm - but keep interactions brief when he’s emotionally distant.

3. Create emotional pockets just for you.

4. Name what you’re feeling - privately and honestly.

5. Make one small decision each day that protects your peace.

6. Let go of what feels too heavy.

Before we close, breathe this in for a moment…

Christmas doesn’t ask you to pretend.

It offers you a place to rest.

So when the silence comes...

when the mood shifts...

when the ache returns...

Remember this:

I will not lose myself inside his disconnect.

I will not carry what is not mine.

And I will not abandon myself - not this Christmas, not ever again.

You deserve peace.

You deserve gentleness.

You deserve to breathe again.

And you are still her - the woman who is learning to rise.

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way."

2 Thessalonians 3:16 (ESV)

Still Her - The Journey Home